Charity is Not Always Appropriate

As we approach the winter holiday season (its right around the corner after Halloween you know), people tend to think about people that are less fortunate than themselves. At least I do. And then when I do think about that, I often decide that I will make some kind of donation to a worthy cause. And that helps to fill my heart a little bit as I spend gobs of money on gifts for my family and friends. However, the reality is that Charity is a dangerous business. Not all charity is good, and sometimes, doing what you think of as a favor can actually be insulting. This is described in detail in a Dear Prudence column.

The final letter in the advice column is the one that got me thinking about this. So, before you go ahead and give something to a friend or family member or any other kind of direct relation, you should consider the following:

1. Do they need what you are giving to them? If you are not sure, it is probably not a good gift.
2. Will they like what you are giving to them and will it get used?
3. Are there any negative emotions that the gift might stir up? If so, it might make sense to skip the gift.

Think Before You Give

Some additional ideas about your extra charitable giving might be to limit yourself to 10% of your holiday budget and to make sure that you have a reasonable emergency account that is funded before you start to splurge large amounts on holiday gifts. I personally try to follow these and it really helps me stay within a reasonable amount of spending.

Also, as much as I like the idea that charity begins at home and that you should help your family first, sometimes it is very hard to take a gift of charity from someone we know. It hurts pride and feelings too much. That is what the advice column deals with. Plus, if the person who is giving really doesn’t have a lot, it can feel even more awkward, like there is some kind of unspoken debt between you. Avoiding the charity might avoid the awkwardness. Consider making the gift anonymous by not signing your name or by sending it in the mail. This is another way to get around this issue.

More Ideas About Giving

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think that credit card debt is a good idea just to get gifts for the holidays; and I think that there is no shame is simply saying that you are not getting gifts in a particular year if you cannot afford it. The spirit of the holidays is giving, regardless of the size of your gift. And sometimes, our time and our love are the most valuable gifts we can give. Our love for family and friends shouldn’t be measured by the credit card debt we ran up buying presents.